Post #11 4/21/09 The Real Life in the ER

4/21/09

Enter Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, Princeton, New Jersey.

45 year old pregnant Caucasian female is undergoing exploratory surgery. Suddenly, a monitor that had been beeping regularly only a second before, emits a warning. Doctors look up in alarm.

DOCTOR 1
It’s the mother. She’s in v-fib.

DOCTOR 2

(with defibrilator)
Charging! Clear!

DOCTOR 3
(steps away)
I’m clear.

Doctor 2 administers one shock. Nothing.

DOCTOR 1
Looks like asystole. Paddling isn’t gonna do anything.

DOCTOR 2
It’s fine v-fib. I’m going again. Clear!

DOCTOR 1
We’re gonna loose them both. Clamp!
(takes clamp)
The surgery’s not doing this to her. The fetus is.
(moves to cut umbilical cord)

DOCTOR 2
Step away, House. I’m going again.

DOCTOR 1
The only way to save her is to cut off the anchor holding her
down.

DOCTOR 2
You keep going, you’re gonna get electrocuted. Clear!
Doctor 2 administers second shock.

DOCTOR 1
(jumps away from table)

Nothing.

DOCTOR 2
Going again! Clear!

Doctor 2 administers third shock. Normal beeping resumes.

DOCTOR 3
Heart rate’s returning to normal.

Believable? David Shore and Katie Jacobs sure hope so. And why do they care? Because, they’re the creators of House, M.D., the show from which the above scenario was taken. No, there really isn’t a Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey and no, there really wasn’t a 45 year old pregnant Caucasian female that went into full cardiac arrest 15 minutes are being put under while her attendings worked furiously to revive her. The entire thing is completely fabricated.

This is just one example of the many medical dramas that air on our primetime channels. As procedurals, these shows more-or-less strive for one thing: medical accuracy. “We want to be as accurate as possible," says Marc Platt, executive producer of ER. Unfortunately, these shows often fall short of their so called goal. “Experts say medical dramas often inaccurately portray organ donation, the range of doctors’ expertise and nurses’ roles, not to mention the level of hospital romance that takes place.” Yes, Grey’s Anatomy fans, that’s right. Hospital life isn’t anywhere near as glamorous as the show depicts. The same goes for ER, House, Private Practice, and whatever other medical dramas there are out there.

You can try your very hardest to make your show as close to the facts as possible by having on-site medical advisors who are real doctors but the truth of the matter is that the only way you’re going to make that happen is if you shoot at an actual hospital with actual doctors. Because Drs. Gregory House and Derek Shepherd aren’t real people; they’re fictional characters played by actors and it doesn’t matter how many years their show has been on the air. They don’t have a medical degree. QED: they usually have absolutely no clue what half of the words they say on screen really mean. Like… “He could just as easily have too much dopamine as serotonin, but if it’s dopamine the cyproheptadine will kill him.”

Now, you can imagine how crushed I was to learn that there really isn’t a Department of Diagnostic Medicine in actual hospitals like how there is on House. Because if you know me at all, you’d know that I adore that show and it was actually all of those hours spent watching House berate his team for their so called “idiotic ideas” then miraculously come up with the diagnoses in the final act of the show that prompted me to seriously consider becoming a doctor.

But alas, as my mom likes to say, “It’s about 25% fact and 75% entertainment.”